Axel's Dilemma
by Crisco61
Summary: Axel pouts about his non-existent love life. Who will help him gain a little footing in the field of love?


(Disclaimer: I don't own KH

R&R please!  
>I really just wrote this off the top of my head out of pure boredom...so I apologize if it sucks.)<p>

"Are you feeling lonely? Do you feel as if you're being deprived of the opposite sex? Do you see yourself being a forty year old virgin? If you answered 'yes' to any of the presented questions, call the number at the bottom of your screen to receive your FREE Guide to Love!  
>Make the call...today!"<p>

"Rubbish."  
>Came Luxord's voice as he walked through the living room, disappearing down a hall. He was always scarce. You didn't see him too often. He was always on a mission or holed up in his quarters. Or...he was gambling and getting drunk with Xaldin and Lexaeus. Luxord was one of the more...aged members and had experience in things that most of the young men didn't. He was a good one to talk to. Of course, Xigbar and Vexen were the most aged, most experienced. Despite their off the wall personalities, they could be quite wise.<p>

Axel flipped through the channels, ignoring Luxord's comment. Axel had answered 'yes' to all of the questions, though he knew he would never age. Still...forty years into the future, he saw himself alone and innocent. You'd think the witty red head would attract the ladies but...THERE WERE NO LADIES TO BE FOUND! He had a choice between Larxene and Namine. Larxene was an automatic no. She was a constant PMSing bitch who didn't know how to control her rage. As for Namine...she was so young and pure. Not to mention, Marluxia kept her locked up with him most of the time. He had formed a close relationship with the blond artist, having controlled her in Castle Oblivion.

As Axel thought about his sad love life, Xigbar plopped down on the couch beside him. Snatching the remote out of Axel's limp hand, Xigbar turned the TV to a show on guns. Axel blinked and finally looked over to the old man, furrowing his brow.  
>"Hey, rudeness! I was watching something! Give me the remote back...if you please. Nobody else wants to watch a show on guns and shooting things up."<br>Xigbar turned his head to Axel and gave him an unamused stare.  
>"As if. You were completely out of it in LaLa Land. If you're not going to make good use of the TV...then I am. Besides..."<br>Xigbar grinned.  
>"I saved you from wallowing in self pity. I saw that commercial, saw what it did to you. Man, Axel...you've gotta get out there. Show everyone how hot you literally are."<br>Xigbar dropped his voice.  
>"You don't want to end up like Lexaeus, do ya'?"<br>Axel shook his head fervently.  
>"Exactly. No one likes him...no one. Not even his mother. We've all seen the comments people have left on his profile. The guy is a loser. He'll never score a babe. But you...you've got girls dropping you comments all over your damn profile. Your face is on posters in girls' bedrooms. When girls squee about Organization 13, they're squeeing about you. And...well, Zexion and Demyx. But you're the main attraction, pyro!"<br>Axel leaned back on the couch, resting his arms on the back.  
>"That may be true but...I'm stuck in here. I've got a choice between Larxene and Namine..."<br>Xigbar rose an eyebrow.  
>"Since when are you stuck in here? Portal out!"<br>Axel shook his head, his green eyes closing.  
>"Xemnas wont let me leave. He says I cause too much trouble. Says I spend too much time obsessing over Roxas. Says I've got the kind of attitude that will betray the Organization. So, he's keeping me here."<br>Xigbar scowled.  
>"As if! Mansex just needs to get laid. He's got a stick up his butt."<p>

Xigbar turned the TV off and turned to face Axel fully.  
>"Listen...you've got a chance with Namine. If you can just convince Marluxia to let her talk with you, I bet you could get her to do whatever you wanted. She's easily manipulated."<br>Just then, Saix entered the room, his serious air killing the mood.  
>"Who's easily manipulated?"<br>xigbar stood up and stretched.  
>"Like we'd tell you, moon boy. Axel! Think about what I said, yeah? Have fun!"<br>xigbar snickered as he walked past Saix.

Saix grimaced and walked over to the couch, standing beside it with his arms crossed. Axel looked up to the man who was his best friend.  
>"Yo!"<br>Saix smiled faintly "Hello...Lea."  
>Axel seemed to loosen up around Saix. He stood up and walked over to him, throwing an arm around his shoulders with a grin.<br>"Still want to know what me and Xigbar were talking about?"  
>Saix looked at Axel with a nod.<br>"Yes."  
>Axel waved his hand dismissively.<br>"We were just saying how Namine is easily manipulated and that I should try to hook up with her. But Marluxia is like an angry mother bear when it comes to his precious Namine. Like Hell I'll ever get to Namine. Got it memorized?"  
>Axel tapped his head and Saix pursed his lips.<br>"Marluxia's easily swayed...if you know how to sway him."  
>Axel's eyes widened hopefully.<br>"Really? Spill!"  
>Saix's eyes shifted off to somewhere else and he coughed. Axel's smile fell and his arm slipped off Saix's shoulders.<br>"You...you don't mean..."  
>Axel did a few pelvic thrusts and Saix scratched the back of his head and looked at the clock.<br>"Well, look at the time! Looks like you're on your own, pal. Good luck with that!"  
>Saix strode quickly out of the room just as Demyx was prancing in. Axel just stood with a disturbed looked on his face.<p>

Demyx shuffled over to Axel and hugged his waist.  
>"Hi!"<br>Axel patted Demyx's head.  
>"Yo, Dem..."<br>Demyx pulled away and cocked his head to the side.  
>"You seem kind of...off."<br>Axel shrugged.  
>"Eh...just found out some disturbing news from Saix and my love life is as small as your brain."<br>Demyx blinked innocently.  
>"Oh, you mean Marluxia's weakness? Yeah, if you want to get something from him you've got to give him something in return. Something only Vexen willingly gives."<br>Axel sighed.  
>"How come everyone knows about his weakness but me?"<br>Demyx tapped his chin.  
>"Probably because you're so absorbed in your hair or your pitiful life to notice!"<br>Demyx whipped out his Sitar and struck a chord. "OWH!"  
>He screeched, causing water to spurt up around Axel.<br>"Maybe if you cooled off a bit and mellowed out, you'd find things out. Like how Xaldin has fake sideburns."  
>Axel flexed his hands, his chakrams flaming as he spinned them.<br>"I'm gonna watch you bu-"  
>The sound of air being cut silenced both young males. A lance had barely missed Demyx's head.<br>"You said what about my sideburns, water boy?"  
>A deep British voice filled the space and all the color left Demyx. He jumped behind Axel as Xaldin approached.<br>"N-n-nothing, Xaldy! Uh...uh...G-gotta run! See ya'!"  
>Demyx dashed from the living room with an angry Xaldin in tow.<p>

Axel slumped, feeling completely hopeless. "Why the long face...Axel?"  
>Zexion's calm voice shattered the emptiness. Axel felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he looked over to Zexion's concerned face.<br>"Ah...you know, can't get to Namine. I have no love life. And I'm not willing to persuade Marluxia. I...I might just...go Emo."  
>Zexion gasped.<br>"Join me! Join me on the dark side! We can be Emo together! We can...we can write dark poetry and whine about our miserable lives!"  
>Axel gave Zexion a look that immediately shut him up. He cleared his throat and regained his composure.<br>"It is quite the dilemma you have, hm? I may be able to help you. One question, though. Since when are you interested in Namine? She's so young."  
>Axel shrugged and shook his head.<br>"I'm going to ignore age...she's the only female around. And I NEED...something. I don't want to be alone..."  
>Zexion didn't understand the need to be with someone. Being alone was much more fun.<br>"I can help you. Come with me."

Zexion and Axel stood a little ways down the hall from Marluxia's quarters. Axel was fidgeting.  
>"Marluxia scares me. I don't want to get molested!"<br>Axel's whispers were frantic and Zexion slapped a hand over the red head's mouth.  
>"Hush! Neither of us are in danger! But we will be if you keep fussing! So, if you don't want to have scars beyond your imagination, you'd best shut your whore mouth!"<br>Axel gasped.  
>"Zessiof!"<br>He said through Zexion's hand. Zexion shushed him and then stared at Marluxia's door.  
>"Okay...look at my illusion."<br>Axel watched as Zexion flipped to a page in his book and then murmured something. Outside Marluxia's door, a Zexion illusion appeared and it knocked on the door. Marluxia opened his door and gave a sweet smile.  
>"Hello, Zexy! How may I be of service to you?"<br>The illusion grabbed Marluxia's coat and brought him close, giving him a smoldering stare.  
>"Just give me...good ol' service, baby. I think you know what I'm craving..."<br>Marluxia's cheeks flushed and he smiled, running his hands on the illusion's chest.  
>"How badly do you want me?"<br>Marluxia purred. The illusion sighed.  
>"Oh...badly. It's like a need."<br>Marluxia giggled.  
>"Hm...do you want it mild, risque...or downright raunchy?"<br>The illusion started to pull Marluxia down the hall.  
>"Raunchy, baby...I want the full package."<p>

Once Marluxia was out of sight, Zexion turned to Axel, who was holding in his laughter.  
>"For you to be laughing...is rather sick."<br>Axel's laughter started to bubble up and he clutched his chest.  
>"I'm sorry!"<br>Zexion frowned.  
>"To see Marluxia acting sexual with my illusion...is highly disturbing. I do not find it funny at all."<br>Zexion swiftly turned around and began to walk away.  
>"Thank me later."<br>Axel wiped his eyes.  
>"Thanks!"<br>Zexion just waved him off.

Axel snuck into Marluxia's room and closed the door, turning around to look for Namine.  
>"Namine?"<br>He called out.  
>"It's um...Axel."<br>Namine's little blond head popped out from inside the closet door. Her eyes were apprehensive, her mouth in a straight line.  
>"M-Marluxia just left..."<br>Axel smiled softly.  
>"I'm not here to talk to him, silly! I'm here to talk to you. Got it memorized?"<br>Namine blushed, slowly emerging from the closet with a fresh pack of colored pencils. She had been searching for it in the closet.  
>"Why?"<br>Her voice was so quiet. Axel walked over to the notepad on the little desk and began flipping through.  
>"Well, I was kind of wondering if-"<br>Namine snatched the notebook away and held it to her chest.  
>"Please don't look in my notebook."<br>Axel held his hands up and backed away from the girl.  
>"Woah! Easy, easy...simmer down."<br>Axel's voice was light and joking. Namine tucked the notebook back in the desk and glanced to Axel.  
>"Why do you want to see me?"<br>Axel leaned against the wall and ran a hand through his hair.  
>"I'm interested."<br>Namine cocked her head.  
>"In?"<br>Axel chuckled.  
>"You. You're cute, innocent..."<br>He stepped closer to her, putting a finger under her chin and lifting her face.  
>"...and I want to ruin that innocence."<br>Namine's face was beet red.  
>"R-ruin?"<br>Axel grinned slyly.  
>"Yeah, you know...burn you on the inside. Make you sweat..."<br>Namine's eyes widened.  
>"Why would you hurt me!"<br>Axel paused for a minute. Really? She was that stupid?  
>"Uh...no...I mean..."<br>Did he really have to be blunt?  
>"...have um...you know, intercourse."<br>Namine's mouth dropped.  
>"Oh..."<br>Axel nodded.  
>"Yeah."<br>Namine backed away from Axel a little.  
>"I don't want to be used."<br>Axel let out a deep sigh.  
>"C'mon...don't tell me you've never desired sex. Marluxia would never give it to you...and all the other guys aren't interested. But I am."<br>Axel took her arm gently.  
>"I garuntee it'll be hot. It'll be steamy...burning up. You'll never...want...to stop."<br>Axel dipped to her ear.  
>"I'll make you scream."<br>A grin spread on his face as he whispered.  
>"Got it memorized?"<br>Namine turned her head so she was met with Axel's gaze, their faces only inches apart. She was being persuaded quite easily.  
>"It'll be worth your while."<br>Axel added seductively. Namine considered the offer for a few more seconds before smiling shyly.  
>"O-okay..."<br>Axel inched closer.  
>"You trust me?"<br>Namine nodded and Axel grinned.  
>"Excellent."<br>And with that, Axel pushed his mouth to Namine's, initiating the activity that was to ensue.


End file.
